Sock Derby!

It's amazing how exhausting an off skates day can be. Today I was reminded that running is so much more work than skating! Due to the wacky spring schedule, we were shuffled up to the meeting rooms for practice which meant no skating for us. However, our ever clever trainers came up with a very full and exhausting day.

We were suppose to bring all our gear except our skates. I, in a rush this morning, grabbed my skate bag after pulling out my skates. Sadly, I had forgotten that my helmet wasn't stored in there at the time....I realized that once I opened my gear bag for practice. Thankfully we were being split into groups and someone lent me their helmet for the one section we needed it.

That's where I started. We played sock derby! Okay, it was really shoe derby as we wore our shoes which was a much better plan than sock derby. Fewer toes get stepped on that way. As we are a mix of experienced Debs and those who have yet to go to a bout, we went over some of the basics. It was a lot of fun. No hitting was allowed, only positional blocking. One thing that was pointed out was how easy it is to use your forearms and elbows and why this is a bad habit. I got the chance to play as pivot, blocker and jammer. When I was the jammer for my team, the other jammer got lead and then promptly got a plenty for track cutting. This meant a power jam for us! (We weren't keeping score) This was fine the first pass and I think on the second pass there was a "no pack" call made. By the end of that one and into the next one (or two, I don't remember), I really wanted to be on skates. Running is a constant movement where I have momentum from skates and get a bit of a breather. As there was no lead jammer, I think we went a full two minutes. The coaches may have called it early. I don't know. I just thought I was going to die. I can definitely skate fast for that long, but running wasn't fun at all. The coaches then used the group on the track to explain cutting and then the no pack situation and how blockers can drop back to reform the pack.

After that, we went to see Mischief, who is the current head of Debs. We went over safety stuff again (who are our safety people; what has to be there before we skate; when do you fill out a form) and then got into one of my favorite things. Writing down goals. I've not always been at the practice where we do this but I really like it when I am. It means that at some point I'll get to look back at that card and remember what I thought was important today. We also filled out the other side with our name and skating background and how we got into Debs. I started to write it out and I realized that I started 5 years ago. While a lot has changed (especially in derby; one whistle start instead of two, small plows instead of large ones, no minors), there's still a lot that is the same. I'm still in Debs. I'm no longer in the pink/beginning group but I still miss enough practices that it'll probably be a while before I move up. I'm really thinking of doing some of the NSRG and MNRG clinics this spring so I can get some of the contact work/experience and more time on my skates so that I can eventually move up. Not that I don't like being with the intermediate group, but some day it would be nice to scrimmage.

Finally, we moved to see Nasty for some muscle memory work. This one was harder for me as I was still trying to catch my breath from the crazy jamming. I also may have knocked something back out of whack in my back in all the jostling of pack work. I'm sure my chiropractor will be amused. We worked on balance and foot placement for small snow plows. It's amazing how difficult balance becomes when you close your eyes. The best part of this session was hearing a skater say how the snow plows are really hard for her but the opposite action is really easy. It's affirming to be reminded that some skills will be easier simply by the way in which our bodies are made.

I'm excited that this is the start of a 5 week, uninterrupted practice time for me! I'm working some early mornings so I can make Sunday practice. In fact, the only reason there's an interruption is because of Easter. Looking forward to it!

First on skates practice for the year and looking back

Wow! It's been so long since I've written on here! This fall was a blast! There have been a lot of changes in how Debs is run as the group has grown. Today was the first on skates practice for the session. The trainers decided to eliminate the wait list and invite everyone on it to sign up. There are so many new skaters! It's amazing how many people have decided to join us.

I was greatly reminded of my first practice. Or at least the feelings of the first practices. Except, I wasn't the one who didn't know anyone. I can imagine how overwhelming it must have felt for some of the really new skaters. I wanted to give them all hugs and tell them that they would survive the first day and start to thrive! There was also this desire to tell them to get lower and to not look at the floor. The floor lies and if you squat down as much as possible, you don't fall as far. In the end, I kept quiet as I'm not a trainer or a draft pool member. Instead, I've come home to blog about that desire. To be able to tell them that it's alright that it all seems scary because we've all been there! I never imagined when I was there that I'd one day be not there as I was such a bad skater. Never did I think I would improve to the point that I could see things and know better to hold my tongue at the time. I remember how intimidating it was to have other skaters who weren't trainers trying to offer me advice.

There was another way that I was reminded of my early days on skates. Today was a day of falling. The awesome part was that I wasn't falling because I was struggling to stand up. I was falling because I was doing really hard things. Hockey stops and I are yet to become friends. I decided that instead of taking it slow and easy, I would use some speed and see if I could get them to work. I almost succeed at them, kind of. We also learned a new stop to use while skating backwards. I believe it was called a power stop or something like that. That was also rather awkward. I'm pretty sure that there were a few times when my body decided that it wasn't happy with me for not getting around to skating or working out since the end of the fall session. As we were skating backwards, there were a few times that I went down. Every time, I managed to get back up! Recoveries have gotten so much easier! Trainers tell you that it's all about muscle memory but it's completely different when it actually happens!

One of the "new" skaters this session is actually an old skater. She was involved in the very first session of Debs and it's wonderful to be skating with her again. After practice, we chatted briefly. She commented that she went away for two years and suddenly snow plows are suppose to be narrow and there and single sided plows and power stops. My response back was that I remember when Wet Spot was also a trainer and not just a track maintenance guy and that there were two whistles to start every jam. This made me feel a bit old, almost like a grandmother of sorts. There are now skaters who have only just seen their first out last night. I've known about derby since 2006 (sort of; I knew people doing it and heard them speak strange things about practice) and I've been actively skating since 2010. In a week, it'll be my 6th anniversary of going to a roller rink for the first time. It's amazing how much has changed in 6 years. I'm really happy that I've kept up with Debs. There was the one year I took off because life got too crazy but it was never far from my dreams. I'm okay if I never make a team and only do derby as a recreational member. I've made so many new friends and finally found my sport. And maybe, one day, I'll be skating low enough that a trainer tells everyone to get as low as Ferret. And I'll be able to dance like Gene Kelly or Ginger Rogers or Fred Astaire in roller skates.

Best. Practice. Ever.

There is so much I want to write about but I know that there's no way for me to make it into something coherent at this moment. If I had tried yesterday, it would have been even worse.

Highlights so far of this fall session of Debs:

• Skating 26 laps in 5 minutes without falling once! (A first on both counts, though the not falling is a bigger deal for me.)
• Knowing that I'm going to be in the intermediate group and that I've got a lot of fundamentals down.
• Our 3 hour testing session was the smoothest one yet (with all of us; when there was a small group of us testing, that went really well).
• I still hurt.
• I've ended up as a moderator for our "secret" group which means I'm making things like practices into events so that I don't forget about them. Turns out that this is useful for other skaters as well.
• I've been really social so far this year. I'm chatting with more new skaters and connecting with the older skaters more than before.
• Even after a hot soak in an Epsom salt bath, I still hurt.

Eventually, I'll write more down. This is a mental place holder so  I don't forget. It was an amazing practice. I hope the rest of the session is just as awesome.

2014: A Look Back

Somehow, I've managed to not write anything since March. This thankfully doesn't mean I haven't been active since then.

Parkour sort of hit a wall this year. Things in my personal life made doing it difficult. I kept meaning to go to one event or another and things (mostly excuses) kept cropping up. I did eventually make it back to the gym, for a women's parkour meet-up. I was pretty sure the only thing I would remember would be the vaults as I actually use those fairly often. They are really useful at work. Turns out I remembered a lot more than I thought I would. I didn't look like an awkward moose while trying to do a shoulder roll. There was actual upward momentum when I did a wall run. And I nearly made it onto the top of the 6' wall. And I still hate kong vaults.

Derby has been interesting. Debs has changed, evolved, as is often necessary. I surprised myself by testing well enough to stay in the mid-level group. I made nearly half of the practices (stupid illness made me short by one but the coaches understood). The spring should be even better. It's amazing how much I remembered! I'm excited to see what the spring will bring. Most likely, more dry lands as all the events in St. Paul in the spring make practice spaces hard but I'm okay with that.

Emerging from the silence

It's been a while since I've written about my fitness and skating. Work has sped up and slowed down and sped up again. This makes it hard to do anything consistently. I've managed to go skating a few times and definitely have missed the feel of wheels under my feet. However, I'm not entirely sure I miss derby.

The game has certainly evolved since the last time I went to a bout (new rules have been released at least once if not twice since the last time I went to a bout). I sometimes wonder if people miss me and I'm sure that some do but I completely get the "out of sight, out of mind" reality of it. When you're pushing your body through those practices, you don't have time to think about who isn't there. You're too busy pushing yourself and supporting the people who are there. When I was still active, there were other women that I would reach out to on facebook when I realized that I truly hadn't seen them for a while (this was hard for me to judge as I was often not around a lot). I know a few of them were very touched that I had messaged them because it seemed that no one else had done so.

I miss the skating. I miss the hard work. I miss the people. I don't know if I miss the game though. I can certainly get my butt kicked doing other things and I can skate and enjoy that. It's hard to be completely into something when you can't be around. At the end of last year, I looked at my work schedule and realized that I'd be available for even fewer practice sessions than I had in the fall. As much as I wanted to sign up and be able to do it, it made even less sense. I did eventually get on skates again, but it was honestly after the new year. I haven't made a bout yet. There have been a few times that I could have gone, if I didn't mind going after a long day at work (it's exhausting to listen to talks on international politics and peace keeping) or skipping out on something else, like sleep. There's one more bout in the MNRG season left and as much as I want to go and cheer on my former Debs team mates, I know it's probably not going to happen. That will make two seasons where I've not managed to make a bout and that makes me sad. It's certainly not out of laziness. It's mostly about my job. I guess that's a big down side to work in theatre.

I've not been too active in parkour lately either. Frankly, it's been a rotten start to the new year. I've tried squeezing in parkour classes and never seem to have enough time. I can plot things out but it seems I'm not able to predict how intense work or life is going to be, which ends up keeping me from class. Add into it the worst winter I've ever experienced in Minnesota and there were days that I just didn't leave the house. It was safer that way. The next time I do make it to Fight or Flight Academy, I'm investing in a punch card. The last several months that I've paid for a number of classes for the month (4 classes), I usually end up only making 2 or 3 classes. Better to go with a punch card that I can use whenever and that I'll actually get the full value out of it.

Additionally, I've found a yoga center I like. They do hot yoga and barre classes. My favorite yoga classes are at 9 pm and then I sleep really well. I've taken 3 barre classes and each one seems to be getting harder. Barre is a combination of yoga, pilates and ballet work. I've taken the class with a different instructor each time. The first two times were the 60 minute classes. Today I took the 75 minute class. It was the hardest so far. It was harder than most derby practices. I think this is mostly due to the fact that when we do some drills in derby, we were usually in some sort of line, so you'd get a bit of a break. Not so with barre. You just keep going, with a beat. It never seems to end. While I learned where my core was doing roller derby, I seem to be on a path to beat it into submission with barre. There is a part of me, when we're doing work with the bar, that feels like the dream of being a ballerina is coming true. I've yet to break it to myself that I'm not going to be dancing on stage, but maybe I can get the body of a dancer and then learn how to dance on my skates. That's still one of my goals. I've been looking into dancing lessons at the Roller Garden. They have them on Monday nights. Now to just get through the next hurdle of work so that I can make those lessons.

Giving up or giving in?

Today, I made a decision. It's one that I've been thinking about for a while and it isn't one that comes easily.

I'm not doing Debs this year.

I'm not doing derby.

I don't know when or if I'll join again.

My life has become way too hectic. I ended up chatting with the new manager of the recreation league. I cried the entire time. In fact, I'm still crying, so I'm going to copy and paste the highlights of the conversation so that I don't have to completely relive it all over again and so that maybe it's coherent.

Me: I'm just...I don't know. In a funk. I've not had a chance to go skating since our last practice. I don't want to go skating. I sort of just want to hang out in a room with people who are doing their own thing and not talking. I'm worried that I'll be back down to pink because I've not worked on anything, that I'll never scrimmage because I can't make more than about half the practices. I wonder if I'm taking up someone's spot who would excel. I don't feel like I'm going to get better or if derby is really my thing. I like it when I'm there but I don't feel like I'm getting any better.

Her: The truth is, the only way you will get better is with consistent practice. That is true for everyone, not just you. If you can't commit to practicing once a week, I say defer from Debs and skate when you can on your own. You can find community in lots of places. You can still see people you love from Debs, you'll just have to be mindful about setting up times instead of counting on seeing them regularly on Sundays. You can find interesting, challenging workouts in lots of places, too. Plus, a workout once a week isn't going to help get you in shape or maintain fitness, so you have to decide what kind of time you can commit to that as well. What makes Debs click is a collective love of derby. If you don't have that, it's perfectly ok to bow out! It doesn't mean you have to stop skating - quite the opposite, because you can skate when and where it works with your schedule.

Me: I worry that I'd be quitting when I shouldn't. I worry my husband will be upset that he bought me new skates for my birthday last year and I've given up a year later.

Her: Don't look at it as giving up. You can always come back to derby if you want. At the very least, you have a lifetime sport which is super fucking fun. Go to a rink and just have fun skating. Those skates won't go to waste one little bit. Things are cyclical. Friendships, passions, interests. Same for everyone.

Me:

And the last year, I felt that even when I was at Debs, I wasn't connected with Debs. And I know a lot of that was my work schedule bollocking things up. And it's frustrating not being able to be there every week because I know I'm not getting better so I really feel like I don't have a spot I fit in because of that. Pink isn't right for me but neither is purple. And I've been debating this since about April. I already know that there will be 3 weeks straight in November that I can't make because of work. And that's a huge set back. But I enjoy the skating and the work outs. I love when I've had a chance to skate as a pack. I just also know that I don't live and breath derby. I enjoy it but it's not all that I think about or do. I feel like a jerk for staying but a jerk for leaving. 

Her: Oh, God, no one can or should do everything. My motto: pick a couple of things to do that you love and do them well.

 

Me: I know that in the past others have suggested I try Sats or that I should try to recapture my excitement because I'd regret it if I left.

 

Her: Instead, feel grateful that you found this uniquely rewarding sport and community that has left an indelible imprint on you.

 

Me: And part of me thinks I should just bugger on through this session since I've already got the insurance. But it's not something I've been excited about.

 

Her: No regrets.

 

Me: And I think I'd regret staying in right now.

 

Her: Well, there you go, then. This is supposed to be fun, dammit, not cause you additional stress.  

 

There are things missing that aren't as important. I've thought about staying so to not disappoint others but I don't want to be there. I'm loving parkour and everything else I'm doing. Skating has become a chore that I dread doing. It's not fun right now. I know that things aren't always fun when you work through them but I don't have a reason right now to go for myself. I have plenty of reasons to go for others but none for me. At the end of the day, that probably means I should step back for a while.

 

Am I going to miss it? I've already been missing it. My life just doesn't allow it. I can't even remember the last time I saw a bout. I know rules have changed but I don't know any of the details. I feel as lost as I did the first time I saw a bout.

 

Do I expect some of the people I've met through derby to forget about me? Yep. I've seen it happen to others and in some ways it has already started to happen to me. In a lot of ways, derby is a social/visual sport. If people don't see you, they tend to forget about you. Derby takes up so much time that if you aren't there devoting all your time with them, people in derby don't really have time for you.

 

Her words and advice reminded me of something I don't like to think about and that is that we have seasons in our lives. This is no longer my derby season. I need to respect that and live in it. I can always come back to derby.

 

There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to rebuild. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak up. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. What do people really get for all their hard work? I have thought about this in connection with the various kinds of work God has given people to do. God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end. So I concluded that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to enjoy themselves as long as they can. Ecclesiastes 3:1-12

 

Or how I first learned these verses:

 

  

Becoming an athlete

I made a post the other day on facebook that read It's a good thing roller derby got me to accept that I'm an athlete. Biked around the lake again this morning. This is a huge change of who I am and it's one that I'm extremely proud of.

Growing up, I hated physical activity. Sweating was gross and shouldn't happen. I had the chance to ski practically wherever I wanted for little to no cost (it helps having a Grandpa heavily involved in the ski industry) but had no interest in it. It was cold and you went up high on the ski lift and it required using your body. My body and I haven't always been on the best terms. There are still times where I'm comically awkward. It was far worse when I was younger. My "sport" was marching band and even that was grudgingly despite the fact that I played flute/piccolo and eventually became the drum major. Being drum major was pretty cool though and it did require the least amount of physical work. Don't get me wrong, waving your hands around and knowing all of the music is hard work but at least I got to stand still.

I went to college where we had no marching band and my physical activity dwindled even more. I remember once asking my advisor why he was going to go work out after working in the scene shop. Surely that was enough physical activity. I believe his response was along the lines of "you'll understand when you're older." By my last year of college, I had hooked up with this guy who did drum corps so I decided to do drum corps. I still wasn't an athlete though. I was a musician who was performing a very physically intense show but not an athlete despite all the running and push-ups and other core work.

Then came derby.

For whatever naive reason, derby wasn't going to make me an athlete. I didn't understand how much the sport can and does transform a person. Suddenly I was interested in how and what my body could do. Of course, this came after the Angry period of Derby Break-up but my faith in derby, and women, was restored by being in Debs.

As I spent more time skating, I started to care more about my body. I wanted to eat better and I wanted to be more active. The relationship I was in at the time wasn't helpful for either of these and with the introduction of my now-husband, I not only became more active but also started eating a lot better.

That fall, I signed up for my second session with Debs. We did some initial testing to figure out where people needed to be placed. After our testing, I got an email from the head trainer, Hanna, titled "Holy cow!". She was entering data from our testing and noticed that I had gotten 23 laps. She went on to say, after a few exchanges "Not an athlete my ass ;)".

I still have this email. Why? Well, Google does let me keep all of my messages but more importantly, it was part of the turning point on how I view myself. That year, we had athlete contracts so that we all started to think of ourselves as athletes. I think there is a common misconception that athletes are people who compete. I was under this belief. My personal opinion is that the gym culture in the states has a lot to do with this where people go and work-out but don't think of themselves as using their bodies as an athlete does. They are fulfill some mental checklist to stay healthy. I'm not saying this is true for all of them but I'm pretty sure if you stopped by a local gym and asked people if they thought they were an athlete, they wouldn't. So for me, I thought I was only an athlete if I was competing in some way. But this turns out to not be true. Yes, derby is a sprot that involves competition, but more than that, it involves being an athlete. It became so much easier to do things, and to believe in myself, when I accepted that as a truth. The video below came out last summer, around the time of the 2012 Summer Olympics. It still speaks to me.