Being an Example

Yesterday was my last practice for this session. There's one more but I will be working. It was an amazing session. In fact, so amazing that I need to write two posts to separate all the awesomeness.

It's fun watching our coaches learn new things. Since there weren't a lot of us at practice, we did some footwork drills as a group. This was after warm-ups (including the awesome and yet terrifying hand-slapping drill) which was when I got hurt at the last practice I was able to make so the fact that I made it past them had me a little giddy. One of the things I'm learning about derby is learning how my body works and where I am on my skates. It seems like it took forever to figure out how to be balanced and skate forward (and then backwards) on my 8 wheels. Well yesterday, we were learning how it felt to not be on all 8 wheels. Since derby is a contact sport, it is a given that you won't always be happily skating along on all your wheels. So we started simple. Go down on one leg and then the other. Then put all your weight on your left leg and tap your right toes up and down followed by doing the other side. Things got more intense as we went along. All your weight on your left leg and put down the front wheels of your right skate and so on. The most amazing part was when we all were skating back and forth on just our front wheels and then we did the same thing on just our back wheels. I know I didn't make the whole length but I was able to get my heels up and skate forward without dying. It was during this time that Tiki, one of the coaches, discovered that it's actually easier to make a transition if you stay on your front wheels and lift up your heels. We were asked if we wanted to try it (of course!) and were told to do it without thinking too hard as thinking is what would screw us up. You know what? It worked! Transitions, something I've struggled with for ages, suddenly happened! It was an easy step from weaving while on my front wheels to just turning around to go backwards. It was awesome to see our coaches figuring it out and then getting excited to learn something new. Tiki even commented that she wished she'd learned how to do that 6 years ago when she first learned how to skate.

At this point we split into our groups to work on different things. I had hoped to make it up to the blue group this session but I'm still in pink and you know what? That's okay. I can tell that I'm getting even closer. My ankles and core are feeling stronger and I think I'm falling less. I'm still learning so much. We continued to work on skating on 4 wheels instead of 8, including one foot weaving. Back in July, I tried to do one foot weaving and I couldn't. Yesterday, I was able to do it and it was awesome. Since all of us in pink (there weren't many of us) were doing really well with one foot weaving, Hanna said we should try one foot transitions. She went to show us, warning us that this was a weakness of hers, and totally biffed it. It was comforting to all of us to realize that even those who have been skating for years still struggle with things and that this is okay.

When practice was mostly over (the scrimmage girls were scrimmaging but I needed to take off), I went up to both Hanna and Tiki to thank them for the Debs. This group is amazing. The counseling and other mental health stuff I've done has helped me be ready for derby but derby gave me a new attitude on life. My self-confidence has sky-rocketed and I'm more willing to stand firm instead of apologizing constantly. I don't feel nearly as shy with the other skaters as I did in the past either. Tiki, concerned that I wasn't coming back, made sure to ask that I was coming back. Of course I am! But I wanted to let them know how much this has meant to me. At that point, Hanna said that this was part of the reason why she uses me as an example so often and she hoped that this was okay.

I like being an example for other women. This hasn't been an easy sport. Last session, there were times that I was so discouraged that I did want to quit. Having Hanna and others continue to encourage me helped me more than I can express especially since I was not only struggling with the physical side of the sport but the emotional side as well. At the awards banquet last year, I remember saying how I knew what my weaknesses were but how I didn't think I had any strengths. I spent most of that event separated from other people. A couple of months later, I was Betty's date to the MNRG draft party and saw Hanna there. When I went over to talk with her, she commented on how much more social I was being and how excited she was for me. This was in part because of a talk she and I had in which I learned about how many other skaters felt *exactly* the same way that I did. So I started to reach out and to get to know my fellow skaters.

During this session, there have been several times when things have been physically hard and I've been used an example of how pushing hard does make you stronger. A lot of these new skaters to the group didn't see me at my worst but they have seen how far I've come since they first met me. Having new boots does help but more importantly is the fact that I don't give up. The harder I fall in love with derby, the stronger my desire is to get better at it. Every practice, I put it all out there. If I don't walk away wanting a nap and feeling beat, I've not done it right and I think the only times that happened this session was when my boot failed on me and when I got injured. It's humbling to have had other skaters tell me how much they look up to me and want to push themselves as hard as I do which is part of the reason that I don't mind being an example. It's humbling but I know how much they'll improve if they push as hard. And I know how much my life has improved because of how hard I push myself.

Yesterday was a hard day because I'd learned that a beautiful young woman had passed away at 18. I never actually met her but I saw her in passing many times this fall at the Renaissance Festival. She was so graceful and charming that you would never have guessed that she was in the final stages of cancer. I went into practice feeling sad but had decided that I'd dedicate my practice to her memory so every time I fell, I got back up because I knew the things that she'd gone through and still managed to smile. She was my example. I'm not nearly as graceful on skates but I will continue to get up every time I fall down. It's the getting back up that makes me stronger.