Clever Title Here

It's been quite the new year and I've had quite a few things floating in my head to write about, especially here. This is why I own a small notebook so that I can jot ideas down as they float into my head. Unfortunately, that's hard to do when I'm actively skating and apparently I often forget those ideas when I get back around said notebook. Hence the title to this post. I've had many clever and witty titles that would tie into exactly what I want to write about but they are simply gone for now. Instead, imagine one for me and bear with me as this goes a bit Ferret in its stream.

Small Changes Make for Awesome Results

Back in December, I found myself struggling with a couple of things. My constant enemy, transitions, seemed to be on the verge of being conquered only to find myself surprised by an old companion turning on me. Toe stop runs. Last spring, by the end of the session, I looked awesome at toe stop runs.

See? I look awesome at it!

But something happened. They were suddenly a struggle! I could do them, sort of but it was just awkward and I didn't feel confident in them. Maybe they weren't in the same place they were when this picture was taken as I had new boots now. There had to be something. I just didn't know what it was and I knew there was only one group of people who could help me. My trainers.

So I pestered them about what I might need to do in order to remedy this issue. Their advice? Get Gumball Toe Stops. They aren't expensive but they make a *HUGE* difference. I got a set for Christmas (I had a very specific Christmas list which my fiance loved as it meant he could just get me those things and know that I'd like them) and adore them.

The first time I took them out was during something called Derby Hour. Here in the Twin Cities, we're spoiled. There's the Metrodome, which apparently has sports in it (I've never been) but the awesome part is that during the winter, they open the concourse up to skaters and call it Rollerdome. With the growth of derby in the Cities, one of the workers there has managed to arrange for quad skaters (derby folk) to stay an hour later on Monday nights for a chance to work on drills. Skating there is great endurance building but it's awesome to have a huge place that will let us do drills.

The first Monday of the new year, I went to skate and stayed for Derby Hour. I know I didn't stay the whole time but I did a modified drill that I've learned from the men's league. It involves skating backwards, hearing an imaginary whistle in my head, stopping and then sprinting forward until I give myself another imaginary whistle. Then I stop and do the whole thing again. It's great to do with a partner because it helps you work on staying with your partner but for me, it was about the sprinting.

Normally I do 2 toe stop runs and then just move on my wheels. This is usually because I've just psyched myself out MAJORLY. At the end of the fall session, it was because I just couldn't feel my toe stops under me. It wasn't comfortable or right. Doing the above drill, I sprinted on my toe stops for at least 6 steps. And I didn't psych myself out and fall when I realized what I'd done either.

I'm still in awe over how one small, rather inexpensive piece of gear has caused so much change. This is the second upgrade I've made to my skates that has been at the $20 level or less. The other investment was getting a set of Magic Cushions. I've had to crank down on my trucks and I still have huge flexibility.

Growing Roots

Yet another thing happened to me in December. I got engaged. What does this have to do with my derby journey? Quite a lot actually. I'm engaged to a man who went out and bought roller skates (not cheap ones either) so that we could go skating together because he wants to support me. His daughters are now involved in roller derby.

But sometimes happy events can have a bit of darkness to them. I've had some friends not take the news well and while I know it's out of concern for me, it does make me sad and a bit anxious. One of my coaches was offering me congrats at our holiday party and wanted to know how things were going. I didn't go into detail but I did mention having some people not supportive and she asked me what I was going to do about it. I didn't know, which she really didn't believe. Before I was actually able to answer, she looked at me and told me that I had wonderful intuition but that I doubted myself more than I should. (There was probably more swearing and I'm paraphrasing but the idea is still there.) She told me to be confident with my decisions because I know what I need and who I am and what to do. This is where so many people have problems. They don't trust themselves and are full of doubt about their own ability. Not only was I getting advice on how to deal with friendships that felt strained and potentially dying, but I was getting advice about being a skater.

It felt as though I was growing roots into myself. By being rooted (yes, I know the word has many meanings), I am able to do things. I trust that a tree isn't going to fall over because it has massive roots digging into the soil. I need to do the same thing with myself. The reason I fall when I do transitions is because I'm afraid that I'll fall. I'd never realized that until after these words had been said to me. Yet, there I was, skating at the Rollerdome and I decided to do a transition at a slow speed. Before I even got halfway there, I felt the doubt and the fear, so I stopped. I knew I'd fall. Derby isn't about falling. Derby is a lot of things but it isn't about falling. Falling happens and often the falling is from pushing so hard at something your body can't do so that it will grow but the purpose isn't to fall. So I stopped myself from falling when I sensed doubt. That wasn't good soil to plant myself into (and I'd just plant myself on my backside if I did) and expect to succeed. After mentally pulling myself together, and using one of the many tricks I've got in my bag on how to do transitions, I tried again and succeed. I succeed because I believed. It took a while to get the fear and doubt back out of my head but I managed to do it.

Start to the Session

The spring session for my league has started up. This past Sunday actually but I wasn't able to make the first practice. I love my job dearly but sometimes it means I make sacrifices. I get paid to do something that I absolutely love. Unfortunately I had to work a concert instead of working.

This fall was my second session and I got to be at the first practice. Last spring I missed the first session and felt completely out of it. Who were the new people? Who were the old people? What were we suppose to do? What had I missed? In elementary school, I hated missing days of school because I was afraid that I'd miss something Important. Until recently, I was semi-convinced that I'd missed an Important Lesson on How to Be an Adult but over the last couple of years, I've decided that everyone missed that class. It's the same with derby. I can go skate and do push-ups on my own but it's not the same. Derby is very much a social sport and you build a kinship by doing all of these hard things together.

Last spring I was very apprehensive of getting close to other skaters. What if they thought I was too weird? (That would be a childhood issue rearing it's ugly head.) What if they thought I wasn't good enough? Even worse, what if they told me that I'd NEVER be good enough to do derby? So I kept to myself and the handful of skaters I already knew. In the few group things with the league skaters, I found myself more often hanging out with them than my fellows as I didn't feel as nervous around them. I was so stressed about being rejected and being the odd-skater-out, that I missed a lot of chances to connect but then I broke through a wall and started to have those connections.

This session, I'm not so worried about that. I've managed to have found myself and have gotten out of my own head. There were team mates who have seen me at the Rollerdome or elsewhere, checking to make sure I was coming back, especially after not being there the first practice. It's really great to feel connected and remembered by so many people. Even when I'm skating on my own, I think of them and it helps to give me strength.