The last couple of weeks have been rather busy for me. Work and personal life have been eating up quite a lot of time. Then there's the derby stuff. Many of my fellow skaters are getting injured or having to leave the league for various reasons. As I've written before, that's been hard for me. It's also been hard not having (or making) the time to go skating.
Part of the reason I've not made more time is that there's a part of me that's a little scared. I didn't get hurt badly when I took my fall at the beginning of November but it still hurt. The worst part is that I know *exactly* what I was doing at the moment I fell. Transitions.
There's a history there with my learning how to do a forwards to backwards transition. I think too much and my hips don't open up wide enough. I also over think it. This is a constant problem in my life and especially in my skating. I think too hard and then I doubt and then I fall.
Since my injury, I've gone skating but I've been very, very reluctant to do transitions, which of course means that I've been making myself do them.
When I was growing up, my mom tried to get me into horse back riding as that was something she had really enjoyed as a kid. She'd even gone on to raise her own horses. The horse that she wanted me to ride, Spot, was very stubborn and very smart. Spot knew that if she scared me or didn't do what I wanted, that I'd get frustrated and not try to ride her again. Guess what happened? Exactly what the horse thought would happen.
There's the saying of you have to get back on the horse after it bucks you off but sometimes, it really hurts. I eventually got back onto a horse though it took several years and I was usually anxious the entire time up to getting on the horse. I don't want to take years getting back to working on transitions so I've decided to pick myself up and get back at it even though this is how I gave myself whiplash.
I've slowly been working back up to being confident about transitions. That's the major thing. I'm not confident about them when I'm skating in a circle. If I'm over to a side and just going back and forth, I'm okay but as soon as I get on the big floor, I doubt myself.
Saturday morning, I went skating with my Sweetie. We missed the lessons but one of the instructors happened to be there. He came over and chatted with me and I used it as a chance to work on my transitions. Sometimes it simply takes hearing the same thing in several different ways. He watched me and pointed out some things I already knew I was (or in most cases, wasn't) doing. Stay low. Keep the back straight. Don't lean forward. Then he did something that really surprised me. He had me take his hands and lightly press down, as though I was holding onto a table. After he let go, I kept my hands in that position and he had me turn around. I could do it! It turns out that as I was turning, the outside shoulder (example: if I'm turning to the right, then it's my left shoulder) would start to turn in the correct direction and then would pull back, causing me to fall into a pile of Ferret.
I went back and forth in the center for the rink quite a few times to get it down. Tuesday night, we went skating again. Once again, I was horribly nervous and was over thinking it on the floor so I took myself to the "kiddie pool" (a small practice area off to the side) and did a couple of transitions. Then, even though I knew I'd look like a dork, I skated out to the center and, raising my arms up almost like a ballerina, I started doing transitions.
They still need to be faster but they are happening now. Two of my derby friends were there and got just as excited as I did when I did it without falling. Now the real key is to remember that confidence I found and to keep it up. It's all baby steps but if I hadn't decided to get back up on my "horse", I wouldn't have improved. That is the most amazing thing about skating. Every time I skate, something gets better, even on my really hard days.
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Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Following the Path
Saying good-bye, why is it sad? Makes us remember the good times we had.
Saying Good-bye from The Muppets Take Manhattan
The lyric from above always gets me teary-eyed. I don't like saying good-bye. I'm not good with change. I know that change is good but I don't do well with it.
Today, my friend, who actually got me to put on skates (and has supported me amazingly), is leaving our rec league. I know it wasn't an easy decision and I understand why she did it but I'm very weepy about it. I can accept reality but I don't have to like it and that's very much where I am today. Acceptance isn't the problem, it's the moving forward part that sucks.
I haven't always been a good friend to her either. When I had my derby break-up, I became a complete Douche Bag. She'd ask if I wanted to see her new plates and I'd just sort of shrug and say "whatever." The problem with being a DB is that you don't realize it until after the fact and the damage has been done. Yet, despite my pity parties and general dislike of anything involving roller derby, she stuck by me. One day, after not enough sleep, she got me to go skating that evening. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have remembered how much I love skating. When the rec league was talking about registration for the spring session, she stayed on my case until I agreed and she took my stuff in since I had to work that day. When it finally hit me how big of a jerk-face I'd been, she told me it was okay, she'd forgiven me and gotten over it and that I should do the same.
She isn't the first one to leave the league. Some have made it into one of the local competitive leagues. Others have moved out of the state. Yet others have been injured or haven't had the time to do it. One of my dearest friends, Betty LaRude, spent a lot of time talking to me about derby. It helps that she introduced me to it. This past June, after our awards ceremony, I drove Betty home. Drunk Betty is awesome because she can articulate things that Sober Better can't. She talked about how much stronger and more confident women become after doing derby but that everyone's journey is different and that we have to respect that path.
It's a difficult task to know that you walk a path that is similar and yet so different from every other woman (and man) who plays the sport. My friend and I talked about how awesome it would be when we were doing contact stuff and scrimmaging. It was my goal to make it to the contact ready group this session. Alas, work is going to keep me from attaining that goal as I won't be at two back to back practices in order to move up. I'll still be skating and the local men's league allows all skaters to come to their practices so I'll be getting derby practice but I won't be with my league.
Sometimes I wish I could get off of the path I'm on and go back to where our paths were still together. I don't regret the choices I made but I do wish I'd taken a different path. Yet, I know I would have made the same decisions because of the other circumstances in my life.
I know that it isn't really good-bye. It's more of a "see you at the track" but it's still sad. I hope she continues to blog so I can hear about her journey but I wish I could still be on the path with her. She's definitely become one of my heroes for many reasons.
As two strangers brought together by a common interest, we've become roller skaters and involved in derby. It was an unlikely story and duo (I'm a Gemini and she's an Ares for those of you who are into that; funny, isn't it?) but it's been awesome. I know that we'll get a chance someday to scrimmage and I hope it's a mixer where we're on the same team. Keep skating and putting your heart into it.
<3
(Note: Yes, I know that some people who read this will know who I mean but I respect her privacy and really, this is about me dealing with my feelings on the matter. I'm much more public. Also, it's specific to her but applies to derby and life in general. We will all lose other skaters, friends and family over time and it's never easy. Loss is always hard and generally emotional. I share my loss so others may recognize their own.)
Sunday, November 6, 2011
There's a first for everything
Today was one of the most frustrating practices ever for me. I've pulled things and pushed muscles to fatigue. There have been bruises and self-medicating of ice and ibuprofen. Yet, I'd never been injured while on the track. I guess there's a first for everything.
First of all, I'm mostly okay. I'm a little battered and I'm going to stop putting off seeing my chiropractor until "later". Most importantly I didn't break anything except maybe my pride. There were no trips to the hospital and no more than ice and ibuprofen. I just ended up sitting out for half of practice.
We started with dry land which, even though it's really hard and I have to keep thinking of something else so my brain doesn't psych me out, I actually enjoy. It's becoming easier to see the importance of dry land. My body is feeling stronger every time we do it and skating is becoming easier. It still wears me out but that means I'm trying hard enough.
After dry land, we got into our gear. I'm proud to say that I can get into gear rather quickly. This is probably from years of always running behind when trying to get somewhere. I've learned how to do things correctly in a short amount of time. We were going to be doing the same sort of skating warm-up we did the week before. I was both excited and dreading it. My inner right thigh felt tight and I was tired from the dry land but I wasn't going to give up. We started skating at 60% and then going into a snowplow when the whistle blew. Once everyone had stopped, we'd sprint back up to going 60%.
Once we'd completed doing that few times, our coach had us skating and then turning around on a whistle and skating backwards. On the next whistle, we'd turn back around and skate forwards again. Going from back to front is fairly easy for me. Going from front to back has become some sort of warfare with myself. I hear the whistle and try to immediately turn around, only to fall down as I'm going faster than I can actually go while turning around. I end up thinking too hard and panicking because I want to do it with everyone else. It was easy to realize what I was doing. So the next time we were to turn around, I thought "step, step, step" to ready myself for the 3 point turn around. I nearly got it. The next time, it got me.
I had taken the first step and was in the middle of the second one when things suddenly changed very quickly. I'm almost positive that the problem was that I had shifted my weight too far back and lost my balance. I blame this on thinking. I was thinking too hard instead of actively engaging my core. As I was in the midst of turning and leaning backwards, I fell on my backside. Specifically, I hit my right hip/cheek area full force. Somehow I managed to roll onto my left side and I know that my right wrist also made contact with the ground. In those few seconds, I felt a huge jolt race up my spine. As I was there on the ground, I realized I was in too much pain to get back up. Part of me wishes there had been a camera there so I could have seen what happened.
So there I am, sort of kneeling but mostly leaning on my left side with my face down feeling like I've got whiplash. I'm actively crying, not just tears of pain but crying because it really, really hurt. My neck was in intense pain. I refused to move or look up, though I was able to recognize people by skates and voices. I know enough that moving someone with a head or neck injury can be really dangerous and I didn't know what damage I'd done. It felt like I'd just sent a jolt through my system but I don't have any medical training so I wasn't sure. I do remember hearing everyone stop skating as I was down on the ground.
Our main practice area is in basically an arena space. There's a black curtain that comes down during shows and bouts that hides the backstage area which also has a full size track. During practice, the curtain is raised and will do group laps on the outside of both tracks. This makes sense in my head because I skate it all the time. I mention it because our coach who was running warm-ups (Tiki) had everyone move to the front track only to complete warm-ups.
While everyone else got to skate, I was helped onto my back and my neck was checked out. I was asked what happened and I seem to remember saying that I fell on my ass a lot. This was really funny to me for some reason. Probably trying to distract myself from the pain and the worry that I'd done some serious damage. I had almost full range of motion in my neck and no numbness. My skates were taken off for me and ice was given to me. I was then helped over to where our gear bags were and got to fill out an accident report.
In my job, sometimes performers, patrons or workers (in that order) get hurt. When they do, and I'm the one in charge, I get to fill out the accident report. Today is the first time that someone filled it out for me. Sure, nurses or intake people have filled them out for me before but this was different. This was while still at the scene of the "crime". While copies were being made (it's never safe to use the last accident report; that's just begging for more people to get hurt), lots of people checked in with me to see if I was okay. I was embarrassed and frustrated. We'd only just gotten on skates. One of the other skaters told me that she understood and said at least I didn't break myself. She's just gotten back to scrimmaging after breaking herself. Once the sheet was filled out, I was told that I didn't have to stay as the person filling out knew I'd rather be on skates but that I was more than welcome to watch. I decided to stay and watch my group work on things.
I learned a lot.
I learned that none of us really know what we look like when we skate. I saw fellow skaters bobbing up and down when they probably thought they weren't. There were skaters who needed stiffer arms while doing shopping carts. And nearly everyone could have bent their knees more.
I learned that it's hard to sit and just watch. It doesn't matter how hard the drill is, everyone would rather be skating than injured. Everyone cheered when I came over and sat with them but I was sad that I couldn't be skating with them. It was hard knowing that they were getting stronger while I was forced to sit on the side.
I learned that I'm getting much better about how I'm taking things. One of my friends told me, very excitedly, that she had been asked if she felt comfortable enough to move up to the contact group. In the past, I would have been sad right away and I was a bit sad mostly because I know how many practices I can make of what we have left and I know it's unrealistic to make it to that group myself this session. The biggest difference is that I wouldn't have been as supportive as I was today. I'd have pouted and been focused on myself instead of their good news. I'm glad I'm not where I was emotionally a year ago. This is such a better place.
So a lot of ice and ibuprofen later, I'm writing this all down. Not because I'll forget this injury but because it's important to me to remember how I'm feeling emotionally (I'm working on not being hard on myself; I've done worse to my neck in my sleep) and the huge amount of support I got from my team mates. I don't know if they realize how much it means to have them concerned for me. The coaches checking in and my team mates being so concerned once again reminded me of how special this sport is and how lucky I am to be involved in it. It's a competitive sport but there's so much support for each other. This is yet another reason why I'm so happy to have discovered and be involved with roller derby.
First of all, I'm mostly okay. I'm a little battered and I'm going to stop putting off seeing my chiropractor until "later". Most importantly I didn't break anything except maybe my pride. There were no trips to the hospital and no more than ice and ibuprofen. I just ended up sitting out for half of practice.
We started with dry land which, even though it's really hard and I have to keep thinking of something else so my brain doesn't psych me out, I actually enjoy. It's becoming easier to see the importance of dry land. My body is feeling stronger every time we do it and skating is becoming easier. It still wears me out but that means I'm trying hard enough.
After dry land, we got into our gear. I'm proud to say that I can get into gear rather quickly. This is probably from years of always running behind when trying to get somewhere. I've learned how to do things correctly in a short amount of time. We were going to be doing the same sort of skating warm-up we did the week before. I was both excited and dreading it. My inner right thigh felt tight and I was tired from the dry land but I wasn't going to give up. We started skating at 60% and then going into a snowplow when the whistle blew. Once everyone had stopped, we'd sprint back up to going 60%.
Once we'd completed doing that few times, our coach had us skating and then turning around on a whistle and skating backwards. On the next whistle, we'd turn back around and skate forwards again. Going from back to front is fairly easy for me. Going from front to back has become some sort of warfare with myself. I hear the whistle and try to immediately turn around, only to fall down as I'm going faster than I can actually go while turning around. I end up thinking too hard and panicking because I want to do it with everyone else. It was easy to realize what I was doing. So the next time we were to turn around, I thought "step, step, step" to ready myself for the 3 point turn around. I nearly got it. The next time, it got me.
I had taken the first step and was in the middle of the second one when things suddenly changed very quickly. I'm almost positive that the problem was that I had shifted my weight too far back and lost my balance. I blame this on thinking. I was thinking too hard instead of actively engaging my core. As I was in the midst of turning and leaning backwards, I fell on my backside. Specifically, I hit my right hip/cheek area full force. Somehow I managed to roll onto my left side and I know that my right wrist also made contact with the ground. In those few seconds, I felt a huge jolt race up my spine. As I was there on the ground, I realized I was in too much pain to get back up. Part of me wishes there had been a camera there so I could have seen what happened.
So there I am, sort of kneeling but mostly leaning on my left side with my face down feeling like I've got whiplash. I'm actively crying, not just tears of pain but crying because it really, really hurt. My neck was in intense pain. I refused to move or look up, though I was able to recognize people by skates and voices. I know enough that moving someone with a head or neck injury can be really dangerous and I didn't know what damage I'd done. It felt like I'd just sent a jolt through my system but I don't have any medical training so I wasn't sure. I do remember hearing everyone stop skating as I was down on the ground.
Our main practice area is in basically an arena space. There's a black curtain that comes down during shows and bouts that hides the backstage area which also has a full size track. During practice, the curtain is raised and will do group laps on the outside of both tracks. This makes sense in my head because I skate it all the time. I mention it because our coach who was running warm-ups (Tiki) had everyone move to the front track only to complete warm-ups.
While everyone else got to skate, I was helped onto my back and my neck was checked out. I was asked what happened and I seem to remember saying that I fell on my ass a lot. This was really funny to me for some reason. Probably trying to distract myself from the pain and the worry that I'd done some serious damage. I had almost full range of motion in my neck and no numbness. My skates were taken off for me and ice was given to me. I was then helped over to where our gear bags were and got to fill out an accident report.
In my job, sometimes performers, patrons or workers (in that order) get hurt. When they do, and I'm the one in charge, I get to fill out the accident report. Today is the first time that someone filled it out for me. Sure, nurses or intake people have filled them out for me before but this was different. This was while still at the scene of the "crime". While copies were being made (it's never safe to use the last accident report; that's just begging for more people to get hurt), lots of people checked in with me to see if I was okay. I was embarrassed and frustrated. We'd only just gotten on skates. One of the other skaters told me that she understood and said at least I didn't break myself. She's just gotten back to scrimmaging after breaking herself. Once the sheet was filled out, I was told that I didn't have to stay as the person filling out knew I'd rather be on skates but that I was more than welcome to watch. I decided to stay and watch my group work on things.
I learned a lot.
I learned that none of us really know what we look like when we skate. I saw fellow skaters bobbing up and down when they probably thought they weren't. There were skaters who needed stiffer arms while doing shopping carts. And nearly everyone could have bent their knees more.
I learned that it's hard to sit and just watch. It doesn't matter how hard the drill is, everyone would rather be skating than injured. Everyone cheered when I came over and sat with them but I was sad that I couldn't be skating with them. It was hard knowing that they were getting stronger while I was forced to sit on the side.
I learned that I'm getting much better about how I'm taking things. One of my friends told me, very excitedly, that she had been asked if she felt comfortable enough to move up to the contact group. In the past, I would have been sad right away and I was a bit sad mostly because I know how many practices I can make of what we have left and I know it's unrealistic to make it to that group myself this session. The biggest difference is that I wouldn't have been as supportive as I was today. I'd have pouted and been focused on myself instead of their good news. I'm glad I'm not where I was emotionally a year ago. This is such a better place.
So a lot of ice and ibuprofen later, I'm writing this all down. Not because I'll forget this injury but because it's important to me to remember how I'm feeling emotionally (I'm working on not being hard on myself; I've done worse to my neck in my sleep) and the huge amount of support I got from my team mates. I don't know if they realize how much it means to have them concerned for me. The coaches checking in and my team mates being so concerned once again reminded me of how special this sport is and how lucky I am to be involved in it. It's a competitive sport but there's so much support for each other. This is yet another reason why I'm so happy to have discovered and be involved with roller derby.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Fatigue
Je suis fatigué. I am tired. There have been a lot of things going on in my life besides derby and as a result, this blog has gotten sorely abandoned. It wasn't intentional but there are only so many things I can do in any given amount of time and I always seem to have less time. At least one person has gently reminded me that I need to start writing again especially because of all the awesome (and not so awesome) things that have happened to me this session.
Not so Awesome
At our second on skates practice (3rd overall practice), my skates failed. Epically. The boot completely fell apart from the sole, which I was expecting to happen but had been hoping to nurse it along one more week. It didn't happen. I didn't even make it through that practice. It was that epic. We were doing testing to see where we were all going to be placed. I got through one and half of the stations, which was frustrating. I was really looking forward to really pushing myself and seeing where I was and instead, I got an incomplete picture that day. Both work and the Renaissance festival have prevented me from going to a couple of practices. It's hard to justify not being at work for derby because I love my job and sometimes there are shows that only I can work. No really, there are some shows that I have to work regardless of my feelings for the show because I'm good at what I do and I'm the most capable to do it. We also have one group that performers that I always work and I love working with them. It's a local orchestra who are amazing to listen to and fantastic people. They only time I missed a show, I'd already put in over 40 hours for a different group and couldn't do an additional 6 hours that week. Due to some choices I've made in my life, there have been some interpersonal relationships that have gotten strained. Details aren't needed but it does make for one awkward feeling Ferret.
Awesome Things Not on Skates
Last session, I was horribly timid. I didn't really interact with the other skaters because I was shy and afraid of being judged. Middle school is good at leaving emotional scars. After an awesome summer and getting some of my shit together, I've really come out of my shell this session. I've met up with some of the other women I skate with and have gotten to know them better. I feel that I'm better able to encourage them because I'm being less harsh on myself as well. Instead of feeling like I suck and I'm horrible and I'll never get it, I simply breathe and focus (but don't think) about what I'm working on. I'm hearing the things that the coaches and assistants are saying to me instead of getting caught up in a feedback loop of negativity. This has also helped me come out of my shell. One of the skaters was having a hard time with something (I think it was weaving though it may have been turning around...) and I gave them the advice that Wet Spot, our coach, had given me minutes before. After another pass on the skill, she skated over and told me that this was what she needed to hear to get it. Last session, I would have been afraid to speak up in case I offended someone. Sometimes you get too much advice or information and can overload (at least that happens to me).
With the Epic Boot Failure came the Awesome New Boot purchase. Roller Revolution had a pair of Vanilla Curves which I love and adore. I already have an awesome plate (Powerdyne Triton) so I only need the boot. The holes on the two plates didn't line up but a friend who works there was willing to drill new holes and attach my plate the harder (but longer lasting way). I am so in love with my skates. They fit and are much more stable than the old ones. I still skate the same way but the better gear has helped me to be able to do things instead of restricting me.
My mindset about myself has really changed. Last session, I wasn't an athlete who was trying to fall back in love with derby. This session, I'm an athlete (I called myself this and one of the coaches gave me a bit of teasing for ever claiming I wasn't an athlete) and a derby skater. I'm still learning the game but I am a roller girl. I lay it all out on the track and skate as hard as I can even when I don't feel like it. I've looked for other ways to condition me to be a better skater. I've cut way back on soda consumption, which has been a hard cycle to break. Instead of completely stopping, I'm simply cutting back. My diet has also become a lot leaner which actual food and less artificial junk. Even more awesome is the fact that I now wear size 14 jeans. Back in January, size 18 jeans were tight. I weighed myself the other morning and realized I was down to 200 pounds. Weight-loss without cup-loss is awesome.
Awesome Things on Skates
This session has been all about pushing myself. I'm getting very close to being contact ready and I know what I need to work on. I can do 23 laps in 5 minutes (this is where I got the comment about having ever said I wasn't an athlete). The Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) requires a minimum of 25 laps in 5 minutes. I know I've got those last two laps as I did that without skating the diamond or doing as many crossovers as I can. The forwards to backwards transitions are slowly coming and I have to keep reminding myself to take things in baby steps. One day while doing cone weaving, Wet Spot had me run the drill slightly differently and then got very excited, telling me to skate like that forever. I'd describe it but I wasn't looking at myself. I just know how it feels. I still struggle with stopping but I'm getting a lot better. My endurance has definitely come a long ways from where it use to be.
All of these accomplishments are cool but there's something that's even cooler. I push myself. Hard.
Last practice, we were doing some endurance work (sprinting then stopping in different ways; skating and then turning around; sprinting then coasting and then squatting) after we'd already done some intense off skates work. I can skate for a long time. It's skating and then doing something else that hurts. I have problems with the tomahawk stop and fell a lot during that but I got up every time. During the squats, I actually collapsed a few times. My quads were shaking but I still got back up. It was hard. Blindingly hard. There were tears in my eyes as I struggled to get up but I got up every time. I could hear other skaters and the coaches giving me encouragement to keep going. As we split into our two groups, my group got a bit of a chewing out. Not just a bit. We as a group weren't trying hard enough and sitting out instead of trying even though it's scary. Hanna, another coach, was understandably angry but I was proud when she said that the only one who was really trying was me. I'm proud of how far I've gotten. My self-confidence is up a million percent from where I was back in January. To hear it and to be asked how my self-confidence was doing was great. It didn't matter that my muscles were shaking and everything hurt. I knew I was doing so much better. By the end of practice, I was in tears again and had a hard time staying up but the coaches were awesome and supportive. I learned a lot and realize how much in love I am with derby again.
Not so Awesome
At our second on skates practice (3rd overall practice), my skates failed. Epically. The boot completely fell apart from the sole, which I was expecting to happen but had been hoping to nurse it along one more week. It didn't happen. I didn't even make it through that practice. It was that epic. We were doing testing to see where we were all going to be placed. I got through one and half of the stations, which was frustrating. I was really looking forward to really pushing myself and seeing where I was and instead, I got an incomplete picture that day. Both work and the Renaissance festival have prevented me from going to a couple of practices. It's hard to justify not being at work for derby because I love my job and sometimes there are shows that only I can work. No really, there are some shows that I have to work regardless of my feelings for the show because I'm good at what I do and I'm the most capable to do it. We also have one group that performers that I always work and I love working with them. It's a local orchestra who are amazing to listen to and fantastic people. They only time I missed a show, I'd already put in over 40 hours for a different group and couldn't do an additional 6 hours that week. Due to some choices I've made in my life, there have been some interpersonal relationships that have gotten strained. Details aren't needed but it does make for one awkward feeling Ferret.
Awesome Things Not on Skates
Last session, I was horribly timid. I didn't really interact with the other skaters because I was shy and afraid of being judged. Middle school is good at leaving emotional scars. After an awesome summer and getting some of my shit together, I've really come out of my shell this session. I've met up with some of the other women I skate with and have gotten to know them better. I feel that I'm better able to encourage them because I'm being less harsh on myself as well. Instead of feeling like I suck and I'm horrible and I'll never get it, I simply breathe and focus (but don't think) about what I'm working on. I'm hearing the things that the coaches and assistants are saying to me instead of getting caught up in a feedback loop of negativity. This has also helped me come out of my shell. One of the skaters was having a hard time with something (I think it was weaving though it may have been turning around...) and I gave them the advice that Wet Spot, our coach, had given me minutes before. After another pass on the skill, she skated over and told me that this was what she needed to hear to get it. Last session, I would have been afraid to speak up in case I offended someone. Sometimes you get too much advice or information and can overload (at least that happens to me).
With the Epic Boot Failure came the Awesome New Boot purchase. Roller Revolution had a pair of Vanilla Curves which I love and adore. I already have an awesome plate (Powerdyne Triton) so I only need the boot. The holes on the two plates didn't line up but a friend who works there was willing to drill new holes and attach my plate the harder (but longer lasting way). I am so in love with my skates. They fit and are much more stable than the old ones. I still skate the same way but the better gear has helped me to be able to do things instead of restricting me.
My mindset about myself has really changed. Last session, I wasn't an athlete who was trying to fall back in love with derby. This session, I'm an athlete (I called myself this and one of the coaches gave me a bit of teasing for ever claiming I wasn't an athlete) and a derby skater. I'm still learning the game but I am a roller girl. I lay it all out on the track and skate as hard as I can even when I don't feel like it. I've looked for other ways to condition me to be a better skater. I've cut way back on soda consumption, which has been a hard cycle to break. Instead of completely stopping, I'm simply cutting back. My diet has also become a lot leaner which actual food and less artificial junk. Even more awesome is the fact that I now wear size 14 jeans. Back in January, size 18 jeans were tight. I weighed myself the other morning and realized I was down to 200 pounds. Weight-loss without cup-loss is awesome.
Awesome Things on Skates
This session has been all about pushing myself. I'm getting very close to being contact ready and I know what I need to work on. I can do 23 laps in 5 minutes (this is where I got the comment about having ever said I wasn't an athlete). The Women's Flat Track Derby Association (WFTDA) requires a minimum of 25 laps in 5 minutes. I know I've got those last two laps as I did that without skating the diamond or doing as many crossovers as I can. The forwards to backwards transitions are slowly coming and I have to keep reminding myself to take things in baby steps. One day while doing cone weaving, Wet Spot had me run the drill slightly differently and then got very excited, telling me to skate like that forever. I'd describe it but I wasn't looking at myself. I just know how it feels. I still struggle with stopping but I'm getting a lot better. My endurance has definitely come a long ways from where it use to be.
All of these accomplishments are cool but there's something that's even cooler. I push myself. Hard.
Last practice, we were doing some endurance work (sprinting then stopping in different ways; skating and then turning around; sprinting then coasting and then squatting) after we'd already done some intense off skates work. I can skate for a long time. It's skating and then doing something else that hurts. I have problems with the tomahawk stop and fell a lot during that but I got up every time. During the squats, I actually collapsed a few times. My quads were shaking but I still got back up. It was hard. Blindingly hard. There were tears in my eyes as I struggled to get up but I got up every time. I could hear other skaters and the coaches giving me encouragement to keep going. As we split into our two groups, my group got a bit of a chewing out. Not just a bit. We as a group weren't trying hard enough and sitting out instead of trying even though it's scary. Hanna, another coach, was understandably angry but I was proud when she said that the only one who was really trying was me. I'm proud of how far I've gotten. My self-confidence is up a million percent from where I was back in January. To hear it and to be asked how my self-confidence was doing was great. It didn't matter that my muscles were shaking and everything hurt. I knew I was doing so much better. By the end of practice, I was in tears again and had a hard time staying up but the coaches were awesome and supportive. I learned a lot and realize how much in love I am with derby again.
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