Thursday, May 27, 2010

A Rose by Any Other Name

It seems that one of the most important parts to new recruits is finding the perfect derby name. It can also be one of the hardest things to come up with. There's a whole page dedicated to derby names. You can then try out a name to see if it's taken and what the odds are of your name being accepted. For many it's hard because all of the "good" names are taken. Derby has been around for a while and most of the clever things have been thought of and been taken by another girl. This doesn't mean that there aren't other possibilities. It just means you have to think harder about it.

What's the deal with the names anyways? For a lot of people, it helps them create a personality to go with them on the track and in their skates. For me, I like the idea of being a little more anonymous. Not everyone in the world needs to know my name. Besides, due to the popularity of my first name with when I was born, I have a hard time responding to my name. Not that I dislike my name! I love my name. It's just not that exciting to have a crowd chant. It also helps give a barrier between the public and me. It's a stage name, a character and a separation in my personal life as well. My derby self can be as naughty or as nice as I want her to be and it isn't me. I'm an actual person while my derby self and image is more of a two dimensional caricature of an idea than an actual person.

Do I have my perfect name yet? I do actually. Managed to think it up (or rather, finish it up) this afternoon. I'm not ready to share the whole thing with the internet yet but it will involve the name Ferret (a name I use out at the Renaissance festival and seem to respond to better than my given name). I've managed to not only find a name that has a good chance of being accepted, it's also a play on who I am in real life as well.

It makes you wonder about the story behind the names of the other girls.

I'm not unapproachable, I'm just shy

Before the North Star Roller Girls clinics started, there were some meet and greets. I sadly wasn't able to make any of them for a variety of reasons. Unfortunately, one of the reasons was do to how shy I can be. Those who know me well are probably laughing at that statement but I am truly shy. Get me into a situation where I'm not in my comfort zone and don't know a lot of people and I get really shy. Not horribly anxious about it but I'll either get really, really, really, really chatty or I'll not say much. I've been taken as being too serious before because I didn't join in and joke but it wasn't being too serious. No, it was a cause of being too shy.

So now we're into clinics. The first two were cancelled on account of Mother Nature thinking it'd be fun to give us March weather in May. The first one to happen was on a day I had to work in the evening (downside to working in theatre is having to work events; it sometimes means passing on things I'd rather be doing.) So I finally make it to the second one, last Thursday. I had the day off, so I was able to relax and have a good day before heading over to the Oval. It was a good time and I knew a handful of the girls there but I didn't really talk to a lot of other people there. Not that there is a lot of time to be talking but I didn't.

This past Monday there was a clinic. I felt the familiar knot of fear in my gut that people wouldn't like me or that I'd look like a fool or that I wouldn't just fit in. There is a long history to this knot. The joys of middle school. It made me terrified to go to pretty much anywhere new as I feared everyone would outright hate me even without knowing me. Of course they *didn't* but it seems that this idea is still planted in my head. So Monday I got to the Oval feeling nervous which probably did lead to some of my less than stellar skating. My skating buddy (we started skating together back in February) wasn't going to be there and while I knew/recognized some of the girls, there was that fear that they wouldn't want anything to do with me. There was also the fear that I wouldn't be able to skate. The first month of skating was met with a weird mix of fear and exhilarated at the idea of putting on skates. Would I fall down? Would I be able to move forward? Would I get onto the floor without anyone killing me?

Today's clinic once again found me feeling nervous. I don't know what to talk about with people other than derby as that's the only thing we currently have in common. Does everyone want to keep talking about derby or would they rather talk about something else? Thankfully not only are most people interested in getting as much time in skating as possible. It also helped that not only was my skating buddy there but the people "responsible" for getting me hooked also came out to skate. Knowing even a handful of people and actually *knowing* them put me much more at ease.

I keep meaning to go out and spend time with some of the other recruits but with tryouts fast approaching (6 more clinics until tryouts!), everyone wants to be skating as much as possible. I should be skating more than I am but I just don't have the time right now. Add into the reality that skating at the rinks starts to add up after a while, and I'm just not able to do it. I want to do derby though. Maybe not skating this season but hopefully next season. This isn't even taking into consideration whether or not I'd fit into the league and have the skills they need.

I wonder how many of the other recruits feel the same way I do? Maybe they all do and they just have a better facade.

Falling

When I first started skating, I didn't use any safety equipment. No wrist guards, elbow or knee pads. Albeit, at that point, most of my falling was onto my backside. However, I think I could have pushed myself harder if I'd had those pieces of equipment. To know how far you can go, you have to push past that point. When pushing past that point means falling, you're less likely to try it.

At the end of March I finally got all of my gear. The difference was amazing. I could fall and it didn't hurt! It's not perfect but I could fall on my knees and not really feel it. I decided to buy 187 knee pads which have a lot of padding on them. To quote one derby lady I know, it's like "falling on baby Jesus kittens." In a way, it's pretty much like that. It also gave me more confidence. I was willing to push harder and found that I was much more likely to fall forward than I had been.

Monday was a brutally hot day. A large group of us showed up for the NSRG clinic. I don't know if it was just one of those days or if the hot weather had anything to do with it but I didn't seem to be able to do anything properly, even falling. I had a couple of "good" falls (forward, on my knees, pulling myself in) but then I just started to fall. I actually had to adjust my knee pads as I fell hard enough to knock it off center. I fell when people passed me, when I tried to work on crossovers and once I think I just fell while standing still. The place that the clinics are held is outdoors. This is not as nice of a surface to fall on and I'm even more grateful that I got the 187's with their extra big padding. The ground doesn't give as much as the skating floors. I left Monday feeling rather sore from all the falling, even with my "Baby Jesus Kittens" knee pads. I went home and iced my knee.

Today I still managed to fall (knee taps are harder than they appear; I need to work on control and not just let myself fall to my knee) but they were better falls. I feel once on my backside but it didn't feel as bad as the multiple times I did that on Monday. The really encouraging thing is not only do people check with you to see if you're alright (which makes me a little embarrassed especially when it's something really stupid that caused me to fall) but they also tell you that you're trying.

Sometimes falling means you're not balanced right or you're spending too much time looking at your feet. Sometimes it's just a sign that it's an off day. The times that I like falling are when it's because I'm pushing myself. I'm working on a new skill or trying harder to master one that I've been introduced to. This sort of falling is almost encouraged because it means you are trying. It's not the reckless showing off that some members of society like to do (I'm currently reminded of a group of young men who tried to out do each other on rental skates at one of the local rinks).

It'll be interesting to see what it's like to fall because someone got a good check on me...