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Saying Good-bye from The Muppets Take Manhattan
The lyric from above always gets me teary-eyed. I don't like saying good-bye. I'm not good with change. I know that change is good but I don't do well with it.
Today, my friend, who actually got me to put on skates (and has supported me amazingly), is leaving our rec league. I know it wasn't an easy decision and I understand why she did it but I'm very weepy about it. I can accept reality but I don't have to like it and that's very much where I am today. Acceptance isn't the problem, it's the moving forward part that sucks.
I haven't always been a good friend to her either. When I had my derby break-up, I became a complete Douche Bag. She'd ask if I wanted to see her new plates and I'd just sort of shrug and say "whatever." The problem with being a DB is that you don't realize it until after the fact and the damage has been done. Yet, despite my pity parties and general dislike of anything involving roller derby, she stuck by me. One day, after not enough sleep, she got me to go skating that evening. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have remembered how much I love skating. When the rec league was talking about registration for the spring session, she stayed on my case until I agreed and she took my stuff in since I had to work that day. When it finally hit me how big of a jerk-face I'd been, she told me it was okay, she'd forgiven me and gotten over it and that I should do the same.
She isn't the first one to leave the league. Some have made it into one of the local competitive leagues. Others have moved out of the state. Yet others have been injured or haven't had the time to do it. One of my dearest friends, Betty LaRude, spent a lot of time talking to me about derby. It helps that she introduced me to it. This past June, after our awards ceremony, I drove Betty home. Drunk Betty is awesome because she can articulate things that Sober Better can't. She talked about how much stronger and more confident women become after doing derby but that everyone's journey is different and that we have to respect that path.
It's a difficult task to know that you walk a path that is similar and yet so different from every other woman (and man) who plays the sport. My friend and I talked about how awesome it would be when we were doing contact stuff and scrimmaging. It was my goal to make it to the contact ready group this session. Alas, work is going to keep me from attaining that goal as I won't be at two back to back practices in order to move up. I'll still be skating and the local men's league allows all skaters to come to their practices so I'll be getting derby practice but I won't be with my league.
Sometimes I wish I could get off of the path I'm on and go back to where our paths were still together. I don't regret the choices I made but I do wish I'd taken a different path. Yet, I know I would have made the same decisions because of the other circumstances in my life.
I know that it isn't really good-bye. It's more of a "see you at the track" but it's still sad. I hope she continues to blog so I can hear about her journey but I wish I could still be on the path with her. She's definitely become one of my heroes for many reasons.
As two strangers brought together by a common interest, we've become roller skaters and involved in derby. It was an unlikely story and duo (I'm a Gemini and she's an Ares for those of you who are into that; funny, isn't it?) but it's been awesome. I know that we'll get a chance someday to scrimmage and I hope it's a mixer where we're on the same team. Keep skating and putting your heart into it.
<3
(Note: Yes, I know that some people who read this will know who I mean but I respect her privacy and really, this is about me dealing with my feelings on the matter. I'm much more public. Also, it's specific to her but applies to derby and life in general. We will all lose other skaters, friends and family over time and it's never easy. Loss is always hard and generally emotional. I share my loss so others may recognize their own.)
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